The Journey to Delight

How I went from checklists to cherishing— My journey of cultivating intimacy with God

The weight of sleep pulled at my bones and anchored me to my bed. I hit snooze on my alarm.

Wake up, daughter.

God’s familiar voice and the fear of missing my morning quiet time with Him pulled at my feet, and they ventured out of the warm abyss of my quilt. My toes found the fuzzy, soft carpet, and my bare feet walked me out of my bed. Wrapping myself in my winter robe, I made my way to my ‘nest’ and settled in for our special morning time together.

He is always drawing me. Calling me.

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In the beginning of my God-journey, I found precious time each day as my toddlers took their afternoon nap, and I would seek God the best I knew how. It was sometimes boring, as I routinely checked off my daily bible verse, prayed through my prayer list, and often dozed off to sleep.

Guilt would overcome me when I woke from my accidental naps. Of course I was tired— I was nursing, co-sleeping with one baby after another, and lacking rest. I was so hard on myself then. If I could talk to younger-mom-me I would say, “Close your eyes, sleep, and rest in God’s love for you.”

But, I was determined to have a special relationship with Him, and I am nothing if not tenacious. I tried different spots to keep myself awake. First my bed, but that obviously didn’t work. Then my closet, but I would inevitably conk out in an attractive face-plant on the carpet, among mismatched pairs of shoes. I eventually made my way to the living room couch, and that’s around the time things started to shift in my approach to ‘quiet time with God.’

Around then, I attended a class called “Intimacy With God” at my church, and it changed the way I saw my relationship with Him. He wasn’t wanting my lists, He wanted my heart. He wanted to fill me, flood me, and free me of this performance mentality. He was looking to pour into me, be my source, and I could, in turn, pour out to Him.

I began to feel a strong desire to know and be known by Him. My lists transformed to whispers and journal entries. I started to listen for His voice and hear Him! I felt an overwhelming urge to use my body to express my love for this One Who loves me. Talking wasn’t enough. I prayed and imagined a way I could put my heart into some form of expression for God.

It sounds a little silly, but one afternoon while my two small boys were dreaming nap-time dreams, I turned on my iPod, connected it to my little stereo, and started to sway. As I did, I felt God’s Presence fill up the room. I continued to move and twirl and dance out what was inside my heart— all for Him. I felt His love flowing through and out of me, all the way down to my feet. Afterwards, I felt so close to Him.

That week I bought a pair of ballet flats, and made dancing a daily delight. My movement was my prayer, and I looked forward to our special time together each day.

When I grew bored of that, I spent the afternoons learning guitar and singing to Him. Sometimes there were words, and other times it was just the sound of my clumsy fingers on the strings, playing my heart out to my King.

Through it all, something beautiful was being built in my heart. I would dance, or sing, or play, and He would respond, often with His felt Presence, often even giving me ideas of ways to express my love to Him. We were enjoying one another! We began to have a language that only we knew.

In seeing God, I saw Him seeing me. It wrecked me, and still does. His eyes of fire and love were fixed upon me and my life, filling it up to the brim and beyond. In those afternoons, I would overflow.

It was as natural as heavy clouds releasing their rain— I was loved and was giving love in return. Where I once felt like a near-empty well, trying to scrape up a drink for Jesus, I became the woman at the Well, for I had found the Well-Spring of Life. He offered me Living Water, and I was drinking deep.

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That was almost 20 years ago.

What once felt like duty, has now turned into the greatest delight of my life— knowing The Father, walking with Jesus, communing with His Spirit.

This relationship is like any good one. It evolves. Changes occur in location and activity. I like to keep it interesting. I think we both do! It’s not boring, NOT AT ALL.

Just this morning, as I stepped out onto a snow-covered road, I felt Him smile and challenge me to run (I normally walk). So I ran in the cold with His sun on my face, and felt the wind freezing my teeth as I laughed like a child. Not a word was voiced, just the sounds of my heaving breath creating vapor in the air. I ended that run a million times fuller and happier than when I had started. That’s just how it works with Him!

There are so many right answers when it comes to having this intimate relationship with God, and there are so many ways to meet with Him.

Discipline is still a part of my life with God, it just looks a bit different. Discipline is more about my posture to set myself in place that cultivate my connection to God. For instance, I have to remind myself to rest in Him, to receive His love, to open my heart to His Ways. I remain flexible and intentional in creating space for us to meet. I have times where I focus on God and His Word, and more than ever, I discipline my thoughts to be fixed on Him. These are the things that set my heart in the best position to be attuned to His Voice and His Ways.

I know that when I am filled and flooded with His truth, love, and goodness, I am free to love Him, and others, in return. It’s never a chore or a checklist anymore, it’s a daughter giving her Father the hug that He first gave her.

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

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I believe it was Sam Storms who said, “God is most satisfied when we are satisfied in Him.”

He is drawing you to drink deep, beloved reader!

How can you set yourself to connect with Him today? I would love to hear from you!